it wasn't lemon gatorade
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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