mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
