Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
