Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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