So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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