He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
