The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
