dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
