It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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