i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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