I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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