You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
