He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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