Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ā¹ļø
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