it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize