I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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