Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
