I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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