im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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