I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
