Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
