very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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