This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
