We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
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