One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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