After last night, I could never be a politician.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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