can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
They are going to name an STD after you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
