JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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