in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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