i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
