how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
This house was built for laser tag.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He did a backflip because drugs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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