I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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