so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
