...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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