i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
