thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
