We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
