she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
