Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
