I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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