Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Come on in and take your pants off
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