I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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