Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
