i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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