I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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