so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize