The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
