can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
