is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
