Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize