Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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