Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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