saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize