If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
