____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
