It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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