I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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