The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
