i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
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Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
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If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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