I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
