Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
