Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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