Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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