I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
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I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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