I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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